Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Think About It Tuesday

I was presented via email with a list of “the best and worst date foods” this morning. My interest was naturally peaked, but as I read down the list, all I really came up with that I would choose was chocolate! As I sat here thinking about it, I came up with my own list of worst date foods:

(1) Egg salad – seriously? For a reference, just check out the 1972 original (not the lame remake by Ben Stiller) version of The Heartbreak Kid with Charles Grodin, Cybill Shepherd, and Jeannie Berlin. Trust me, when you see Jeannie Berlin chowing down on her double egg salad sandwich, you will understand fully why this is on the top of my list! Not a fantastic movie, but the scene is hysterical and pathetic all at the same time!

(2) Spaghetti – I’m not talking about pasta like small ziti, I’m talking mile-long strands of plain old spaghetti in drippy, messy “I will find a spot to splash you even if you’re wearing a lobster bib” sauce (or gravy, as my Italian friends say). Years ago there was this very funny commercial where the man offers the woman sitting at the family table with him some spagetti, and she says, “I’m not hungry, I’ll just pick” and proceeds to spear up some spaghetti from his plate, slurping it all the way from her seat. I can’t find it on You Tube, but it is sooo worth seeing if you can find it anywhere. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the product!! Maybe Ragu? Some pasta sauce? If you know it, please write me in the comments section!!

(3) Lasagna – see Spaghetti for reason number one, but also add strands of melted mozzarella that simply won’t be cut in a polite fashion. No, the only way to snap that bad boy from the slab of lasagna on your plate it to twirl it round and round (and round) your fork, praying someday it will stop before you get carpal tunnel syndrome. Admit it – when we’re home we just grab it with our fingers! Hey, isn’t melted mozzarella considered fun finger food?

4. Onion Soup – see mozzarella/lasagna – ‘nuff said.

5. Escargot (aka snails) – see the movie scene from Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts nearly takes out a waiter’s eye with her flying snail – thank goodness he was a good catch! Love her comment to Richard Gere and table mates – “slippery little suckers!”

Honorable mention – how annoying is it to try and eat salad when the pieces are big enough to use as journal pages to write on about how good (or bad) your date went?!?! You cut and cut, and they’re still fighting to get into your mouth. I swear, they have little invisible hands and feet that grab onto your lips as they scream in little itsy-bitsy baby arugula voices, “I’m not going in – you’re not taking me!” Sooo embarrassing!!!

And the biggest rule of all that is so big it is above being listed as number one – CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED! Mom was right – NEVER a good look, girls!!!!!

So this is for your relationship muscle flex exercise today, ladies. If you want a romantic dinner with a new date, regular date, or the hubs (because the hubs deserves a little romantic dinner once in awhile – keep the spark alive), stay away from these items. And if you have items that you’d like to recommend for date night, or would like to share one of your own funny embarassing "I'll never order that in public again" moments, please add them to your comments here. Bon appetite!


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